I'm having a hard time right now. Family is something important but there is a certain someone in my family that has only caused me grief my whole life. As a kid living with him made me scared for my life. I used to lock my door and push something in front of it because I was afraid he would come in while I was sleeping and kill me. My brother has always been something that was hard to deal with. I remember lying to people when they would ask if we were family because the way he acted. I could tell all the horrible stories but it would probably take all day.
Despite everything I have still been there for him. When he was homeless I sent money, when he needed anything I was there. He would leave for awhile and things would be great then all of the sudden he would be back. Now he is back and he really hasn't changed. I think he realizes that he cant do the violent things he used to do because he is an adult but he has found other ways to use people.
I need some help everyone..... The scriptures say you should forgive and forget and I know that is important but I just cant seem to do it. Every time I see or hear about him I'm brought to that place I was in when I was younger and all that anger just floods through me again. How do you forgive someone but still make sure that it doesn't happen again? How do you protect yourself from it? How do you protect everyone else as well? I have always been all about family and it worries me that because they have forgiven him they are just going to continue to be used. I have my parents coming over today so I can tell them how I feel about the situation but I have no idea what to say to them. Any advice......
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Marriage
This is something very important to me I know someone who was married only 2 weeks ago and yesterday they separated. 2 weeks and shes wanting to throw in the towel. Marriage is important to me because not only is it an important ordinance but I love my husband dearly and I would be nothing without him. Even though I have only been married for 3 years I have learned a thing or two. Writing this will only help me remember what I have learned and maybe help someone else that has been having problems. These are the things that have helped me.
1. Grow up
You will never be able to make things work if you don't just grow up. Remember you are not in grade school anymore. The silly games people play with each other which I admit I have done in my marriage they just don't work. They just make you angry. They make you have petty little fights that don't mean anything. I have had small fights in my marriage I'm sure everyone has but if you are not mature enough you cant handle it. When you have those petty fights you feel like that's it I guess things aren't going to work lets get a divorce where as a mature person would take it with a grain of salt and move on. Growing up is truly necessary to having a better relationship.
2. Life is not a fairy tale
Remember when we were kids and we watched Disney movies such at The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella etc. Those movies were so great but I'm afraid that they teach kids that life can be like a fairy tale. The problem with this is that some people never get that notion out of their heads and they constantly look for it in their relationships. They think that when they find "The One" life will completely change. Here's and example in Beauty and the Beast my favorite kids movie Belle comes from a family that doesn't really have much. Her father is the laughing stock of the town. Somehow she stumbles on this huge castle while out looking for her father and in the castle lives a beast who used to be a man but was cursed by a witch because he showed no compassion to her. She stays as a prisoner in his castle and he tries to get her to fall in love with him by showing her his softer side he even goes so far as to give her a library. Sounds like a real romantic story right? Now back to reality if this story were true for one the beast would be in jail for imprisoning her and two how many of us have ever walked into the forest and just stumbled upon a castle. Things like this don't happen everyday. When I got married I'm sure I thought things would be this way. The key is to try and loose those notions and look at whats real. That is not to say you shouldn't expect amazing fairy tale like things to happen of course that's OK but it is important to not be disappointed when the don't. You cant expect to get married and then have everything just fall into place. You have to start slowly and things come with time. A big house, expensive furniture, cars and other things are not important they will happen if you work at it but again that comes with time.
3. Spend Time Together/ Share Interests
Daniel and I are different people with different interest. I like to do crafts and Daniel likes to work on his car. I don't particularly enjoy working on his car because I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm sure he feels the same way about crafts. We have learned to try to get involved in each others hobbies. I go off roading with him when I can and sometimes he will help me with my crafts doing this helps us spend time together and in doing so we become closer. I know there are people out there that don't think spending time together is really that important but I am a firm believer that Daniel and I are as close as we are because we try to spend our time with each other.
This has been really lengthy and I am sorry for that but I told you in the beginning that its something very important to me and it makes me sad to think that there are people out there that don't realize how important it really is. I saw this picture on pinterest awhile back and I wish I could find it now because it says exactly how I feel. This picture was of an older couple and had a caption on the bottom that said something like "How have we stayed together for so long? Well we come from a generation that when things break we fix them" So true our generation is so used to throwing things away that when things break we just throw them away instead of trying to fix them. I hope we can all just hold on when things get tough and fix whats broke.
1. Grow up
You will never be able to make things work if you don't just grow up. Remember you are not in grade school anymore. The silly games people play with each other which I admit I have done in my marriage they just don't work. They just make you angry. They make you have petty little fights that don't mean anything. I have had small fights in my marriage I'm sure everyone has but if you are not mature enough you cant handle it. When you have those petty fights you feel like that's it I guess things aren't going to work lets get a divorce where as a mature person would take it with a grain of salt and move on. Growing up is truly necessary to having a better relationship.
2. Life is not a fairy tale
Remember when we were kids and we watched Disney movies such at The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella etc. Those movies were so great but I'm afraid that they teach kids that life can be like a fairy tale. The problem with this is that some people never get that notion out of their heads and they constantly look for it in their relationships. They think that when they find "The One" life will completely change. Here's and example in Beauty and the Beast my favorite kids movie Belle comes from a family that doesn't really have much. Her father is the laughing stock of the town. Somehow she stumbles on this huge castle while out looking for her father and in the castle lives a beast who used to be a man but was cursed by a witch because he showed no compassion to her. She stays as a prisoner in his castle and he tries to get her to fall in love with him by showing her his softer side he even goes so far as to give her a library. Sounds like a real romantic story right? Now back to reality if this story were true for one the beast would be in jail for imprisoning her and two how many of us have ever walked into the forest and just stumbled upon a castle. Things like this don't happen everyday. When I got married I'm sure I thought things would be this way. The key is to try and loose those notions and look at whats real. That is not to say you shouldn't expect amazing fairy tale like things to happen of course that's OK but it is important to not be disappointed when the don't. You cant expect to get married and then have everything just fall into place. You have to start slowly and things come with time. A big house, expensive furniture, cars and other things are not important they will happen if you work at it but again that comes with time.
3. Spend Time Together/ Share Interests
Daniel and I are different people with different interest. I like to do crafts and Daniel likes to work on his car. I don't particularly enjoy working on his car because I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm sure he feels the same way about crafts. We have learned to try to get involved in each others hobbies. I go off roading with him when I can and sometimes he will help me with my crafts doing this helps us spend time together and in doing so we become closer. I know there are people out there that don't think spending time together is really that important but I am a firm believer that Daniel and I are as close as we are because we try to spend our time with each other.
This has been really lengthy and I am sorry for that but I told you in the beginning that its something very important to me and it makes me sad to think that there are people out there that don't realize how important it really is. I saw this picture on pinterest awhile back and I wish I could find it now because it says exactly how I feel. This picture was of an older couple and had a caption on the bottom that said something like "How have we stayed together for so long? Well we come from a generation that when things break we fix them" So true our generation is so used to throwing things away that when things break we just throw them away instead of trying to fix them. I hope we can all just hold on when things get tough and fix whats broke.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Rough Patch
The last month or so has been pretty rough for me. Let me try to explain myself. Daniel and I have been trying to work on our relationship its just something that you have to keep working on the rest of our lives but anyone who is married knows that after 3 years things start to slow down, they become a little less exciting. In the beginning of a relationship things are all about the two of you and nothing else matters. Slowly you have to let it go because you still have to work you still have to socialize, and fulfill your church callings. There is just so many things that you have to do as an adult that sometimes it just gets to become to much. Some people are great at going through the day to day and giving 100% to everything they do. I on the other hand have never been very good juggling. Let me explain further......
I have put 100% in my work to the point where I'm exhausted because of how much I work. Its good though because I have made myself indispensable at Heritage Middle School. Everyone comes to me for help because they know that I know what I'm doing. I'm the youngest one there but still they come to me because I know my stuff. This is a good thing because I work so hard at work that I feel appreciated when I'm there. The downside is that when I get home I am so exhausted that I have a hard time doing anything.
I have put no effort in my social life lately which makes me really sad. My friends have their lives to and I'm sure they have their issues as I have mine. One of the good things that Daniel and I have put in place is that every Thursday we have a day all to ourselves where we can hang out with friends, work on projects, whatever we want to do. The bad thing about that is that we have the same couple friends so when he goes out with the guys the girls cant go do anything because they all have kids. I fear that I have alienated myself so much that even if they have the opportunity to they will not want to because I have been so busy and have not been a very good friend.
Lastly I have really had a hard time with all my medical issues lately. Ill admit I'm just plain bitter about it. When you are in the hospital they have this pain chart that looks like this
Now out of the 7 days in a week about 5 of them I spend in pains 8 or above. This Endomitriosis really puts a damper on how much fun I can have because things are not fun for me if I'm in pain.
I really wanted to write this so people really understand what I have been going through. I know I am no different from anyone else and I know people go through things everyday and my issues are no excuse to be the way I am but I promise I am trying to be better. I need to try harder to not put my work ahead of everything else I need to try harder to to be balanced and learn to juggle everything in my life. If anyone has any has any advice for me it would be greatly appreciated.
I don't want this to be just a sob story so I do want to post what Daniel and I have started to do to keep things exciting and to help us be better for each other.
1. Every Friday Date night no matter what.
2. Thursdays is a day we have to ourselves to do whatever we want to do.
3. On Saturdays we do something fun one saturday is mine then the next one is his and we alternate that way so we cant complain about who gets to do more.
This has worked immensely.
I have put 100% in my work to the point where I'm exhausted because of how much I work. Its good though because I have made myself indispensable at Heritage Middle School. Everyone comes to me for help because they know that I know what I'm doing. I'm the youngest one there but still they come to me because I know my stuff. This is a good thing because I work so hard at work that I feel appreciated when I'm there. The downside is that when I get home I am so exhausted that I have a hard time doing anything.
I have put no effort in my social life lately which makes me really sad. My friends have their lives to and I'm sure they have their issues as I have mine. One of the good things that Daniel and I have put in place is that every Thursday we have a day all to ourselves where we can hang out with friends, work on projects, whatever we want to do. The bad thing about that is that we have the same couple friends so when he goes out with the guys the girls cant go do anything because they all have kids. I fear that I have alienated myself so much that even if they have the opportunity to they will not want to because I have been so busy and have not been a very good friend.
Lastly I have really had a hard time with all my medical issues lately. Ill admit I'm just plain bitter about it. When you are in the hospital they have this pain chart that looks like this
Now out of the 7 days in a week about 5 of them I spend in pains 8 or above. This Endomitriosis really puts a damper on how much fun I can have because things are not fun for me if I'm in pain.
I really wanted to write this so people really understand what I have been going through. I know I am no different from anyone else and I know people go through things everyday and my issues are no excuse to be the way I am but I promise I am trying to be better. I need to try harder to not put my work ahead of everything else I need to try harder to to be balanced and learn to juggle everything in my life. If anyone has any has any advice for me it would be greatly appreciated.
I don't want this to be just a sob story so I do want to post what Daniel and I have started to do to keep things exciting and to help us be better for each other.
1. Every Friday Date night no matter what.
2. Thursdays is a day we have to ourselves to do whatever we want to do.
3. On Saturdays we do something fun one saturday is mine then the next one is his and we alternate that way so we cant complain about who gets to do more.
This has worked immensely.
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